So many stories I haven’t gotten to,
So many stories I’ve still got to write.
Stories that are sad, poignant, funny, and true.
Stories that I will still write.
I missed my Daddy when Alzheimer’s erased me from his mind. When he questioned why I called him Daddy, I tried Dad and Father, but he was confused by those titles as well. He responded well to “Bill” but I couldn’t bring myself to call my own father by his first name. I came to call him “Mr. Bill.”
On October 25, 2011 Daddy died.
I missed Daddy.
I miss Mr. Bill.
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Tags: Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's care, caregiver, caring for elderly parents, elder care, senior care
November 1, 2011 at 11:19 pm |
Ah, Nauri, I’m so sorry. The stories may be unwritten, but your heart is forever engraved with your love for your dad. God won’t let that disappear, I promise!
November 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm |
Oh no! Nauri, I’m sooo sorry! How is your Mom doing? How will she get on without him? How are you doing through this? My thoughts are with you.
November 2, 2011 at 9:16 pm |
Thanks Stayton and Barbara. Mom seems to be doing fairly well. She has he moments of deep sadness, usually brought on by someone sharing how much they, too, miss him. Her Alzheimer’s symptoms have become much more pronounced – perhaps the best way to describe it is to say she’s lost her focus. She spent so many years focused on Dad, trying to not make any mistakes in his care – she feared making a mistake would lead to “them” taking him away. That was her main focus, the thing that got her up in the morning, kept her day organized (such as it was), and gave her a purpose to keep things as straight as she could. Now that her point of focus is gone, she seems to have lost focus. Time will tell where she goes from here.
So far, I have remained strong. I know it’s coming, but, crying always ends up making me sick. I’ve just not had time for that, yet LOL. I will be taking time out right after the funeral, to pop in a cd of songs that will certainly bring the sobbing tears, grab the pictures, and have me a really good cry. Now you know what I have planned for Sunday…
November 2, 2011 at 9:58 pm |
Describing your mom’s noble attempts to keep your dad afloat sounds so much like what I’m doing now with my dear husband. A friend read recently that 60% of Alzheimer’s caregivers (spouses, etc – not paid staff) develop Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia. And I’m beginning to see why. The pressure is unbelievable and insidious, in that you don’t really focus on it – you just can’t. But just yesterday I saw a rising scary-high level of pressure inside me that I had previously not acknowledged. Now I see exactly why people’s minds snap.
We’ll be praying for you, Nauri, and for your dear mom. Your dad is free now – only you who remain behind are suffering.
November 3, 2011 at 2:54 pm |
I’m sorry your Mom is going through that but, I guess, it’s to be expected. Actually, don’t we all lose some of our focus after something like this?
You sound like me– push back the tears and high emotions until you can be alone and then really just tear into the sadness and let it all go. Have a good cry Sunday– you deserve it.