Mom and Dad: Easter Sunday Family Reunion

Easter Sunday a cousin on my Dad’s side hosted a wonderful family reunion at her house. Hubby and I picked up Mom and Dad for the event. As usual, Mom wasn’t quite ready – there was still futzing to be done and nothing would stop her until she was done futzing, simple as that. We finally informed her that we were going to go visit other people in the facility while she got done doing… whatever.

In the weeks leading up to Easter, Mom’s brother had been diagnosed with cancer and undergone some chemo treatments that made him horribly sick. I had taken Mom and Dad to visit him once at the hospital, but when he was moved to a rehab facility, we would have to wear gloves and masks to visit him. I knew that there would be no way to get gloves on Dad, let alone a mask, and he would not stand outside of the room. I also knew that Mom would not be able to tolerate a mask, either. She would think there’d be no way her brother could understand her if he couldn’t see her mouth moving and would have to be continually restrained from pulling up or down the mask. So, visiting at that place was out.
Mom’s sister in law also had some serious health issues and underwent spinal surgery to repair some fractures. She was in the same rehabilitation facility just down the hall from her husband. Visiting her was out because there would be no way to keep Mom from finding out that her brother was just up the hall.
During their rehab, their children visited the facility where Mom and Dad live. They made arrangements to move them in as soon as there was a room available.
Mom was convinced of many things: 1. Her brother and sister in law would move in but would need to be in the special care unit. 2. Her brother and sister in law would not be moving in because they could not afford it and the other place was cheaper.
Then, her mind confused which nephew made a reservation for which brother and she became convinced that her other brother was going to be moving in because she was sure she’d seen his son there.
When that brother didn’t move in, she became convinced that his wife was keeping him hidden from the family. This was soon followed by believing that they had, instead, moved into a different facility that was cheaper.

So, hubby and I went up the hall to visit the brother and sister in law who actually do live there, in a regular room, not in special care.
Her brother informed us that Mom had been to their room 3 times that day to tell them about the family reunion and try to talk them into attending. When that failed, she tried to explain to them that she was not sure when we would return, so, they might miss dinner, but that was ok because there would be plenty of food at the reunion.

When we pulled out, Mom exclaimed that she had forgotten to tell her brother that they were leaving and wanted to go back in to tell him. I told her hubby and I had taken care of that when we went to visit them.

The drive was mostly quiet, which is rare with Dad in the car. Well, he was in the back seat this time, so, perhaps no real visual cues to spark conversation?

We finally arrived at my cousin’s house. All of Dad’s siblings were there, and about half of the cousins attended. Dad wanted to call one of his sisters, “My wife,” since she is the same size and shape as Mom, as well as having the same hair color and style. One of his sisters he didn’t seem to recognize at all. When his brother came to shake hands with Dad, Dad simply said, “Navy.” Twice, during the course of the day, however, Dad pointed to the other sister and said, “That’s my sister, Betty.” He knew her and he knew her name.

Mom had been convinced that we were attending a family reunion for her side of the family. No amount of reminding her that this was Dad’s side got her mind off thinking otherwise. She would say, “Oh, that’s right. I keep thinking…”
At one point, one of my cousins came over to say, “Hi!” to Mom. Mom said she couldn’t remember which one he was, but went on to say she was disappointed that her brother didn’t make it.

There were only 2 people there with facial hair. One of them, my cousin, I strongly warned about Dad’s penchant for grabbing facial hair. I followed it up by saying, “I warn people, and I tell them that I really mean it, but they for some reason don’t take me serious – until Dad gets a handful of beard and yanks. So, again, watch your facial hair when you are within arms reach of Dad. I am serious!” Minutes later, he understood exactly what I meant. At least he was prepared and dodged a full beard grab! It wasn’t the only attempt, and he got even better at dodging!

Hubby seated Mom and Dad while I started getting plates for them. There wasn’t really any place to sit away from the huge cake in the middle of the table, so it became a challenge to keep Dad from grabbing handfuls of cake, ruining it for future photos with the siblings. It took everything hubby and I could do to keep Dad out of the cake, but in the end, he barely grazed the icing, and no one noticed the smear.

When the Easter Egg Hunt for the children was done, everyone wanted to siblings to get around the cake for pictures. The cake had all of their names on it and a thank you for our great family. Up until this point, Dad had been wearing a light flannel shirt with a heavier flannel shirt over it. Mom insists that it’s a jacket and we let her believe it. Dad tries to button the shirts to each other.
As soon as intentions for pictures was announced, Mom started looking Dad over. When nearly everyone was in place, lined up, propped up, standing up behind the table, behind the cake, the cake mere inches from Dad, Mom decided that he had to take off his jacket, and started to strip it off Dad. A vision flashed before me… Mom struggling to tug and pull Dad’s sleeve off his arm, Dad grabbing the cuff of the sleeve to prevent it being removed from one hand while reaching out for the cake with the other hand. Siblings toppling in the melee to follow… Thankfully that didn’t come to fruition. Whew!
In the end, I was the proverbial deer in the headlights, stuck behind Dad trying to reign in his hands from behind by grasping his shirt cuffs and ducking down out of the picture while everyone snapped and snapped and snapped and snapped…

We had a wonderful time and got to visit with nearly everyone, but Dad started making like he was ready to leave. Once he’d eaten and got to have some of that cake, he figured it was time to go.
Hubby is so amazing with Dad. He can block his path without making him angry, redirect Dad’s attention to get him to do something like sit or stand when Dad wants to watch or touch something or someone, or go somewhere, or do something.
Most of the family pointed out to me just how wonderful my hubby is with Dad. I had to agree. He’s a keeper.

Hubby took Mom and Dad outside to walk around and admire the landscaping. I joined them as they stood at the back of the yard. As I approached, Dad said, “I love you.” I hugged him tight and said, “I love you, too, Dad.”

We got back just in time for their evening meal. I’m sure her brother was relieved to see that.

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Tags: Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's care, caregiver, caring for elderly parents, elder care, senior care