I was trying to think back to when I first wondered if my Dad was having some issues beyond normal aging. Four separate, seemingly unrelated incidents keep coming to mind. No matter how hard I try to find something else, these four seem to be the pieces of the puzzle that fit.
In the summer of 1992, my son went to visit Mom and Dad for a weekend. Dad carried one of my son’s bags of goodies to the car, but slipped on a step and went down hard. He skinned up his hands and knees, and gave himself a thorough jolt.
In the fall of 1992, Dad was on a ladder cleaning leaves from the gutters when the ladder slipped to one side. Dad hung onto the gutter, but the effort caused some damage in the shoulder joint, causing him to fall to the ground. He suffered no other injury from the fall, but his shoulder was messed up. There was a fracture, nothing they could do anything about without surgery. He opted to let it heal on its own knowing he could return later for surgery if it did not improve. He struggled with it for a few months and it seemed to heal up quite well. A year later, he had nearly his full range of motion and only forcing his arm straight above his head caused any discomfort. Clean bill of health.
Years later, Mom and Dad are watching my nephew. Nephew peed in the driveway. When confronted, nephew claimed a robber did it. Dad loved to tell that story. He’d tell the story at least twice, every time I saw him. He’d always ask, “Did I tell you…?” If I told him he had told me already, he wouldn’t repeat it for the remainder of our visit. But, I wondered.
And, I remembered those two previous falls. A serious jarring to his entire system; a broken bone. A broken bone. Bone marrow exposed, bone marrow leaked.
Later, Mom and Dad watched the nephew at my brother’s house. Nephew got a new scooter and Dad wanted to give it a try. A few trips around the driveway and Dad had the hang of it. Then, he went too fast, turned too fast, wipeout! Dad went down very hard! He hurt his ribs, his face, his hands, his knees… He went into the house and said to Mom, “I hurt.” I don’t know if he meant “I am hurt,” “I am hurting,” or if he was being cute in spite of his pain. Mom called 911. Dad had a horribly blacked eye, lots of scrapes and bruises, and very badly bruised ribs. Nephew, while traumatized by the sight of Grandpa taking a header on the driveway, had the presence of mind to remind Grandpa, “This is why we wear helmets!” Dad repeated that story in spite of being reminded that he had indeed already told that story.
I thought back to those other 2 falls. I thought back to the ‘robber’ story. I wondered if he was experiencing some ‘judgment’ issues as in making poor choices beyond his actual physical limitations.
Soon after, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and started on treatment.
Mom had always been very naive. We were slower to pick up on her symptoms simply because she had always been a little slower to let go of the old, or grasp on new things. Her trouble with the new phone was not enough to really make me even consider she was slipping. It wasn’t until she had surgery that we really started to see the signs.
This time I wondered if introducing air to the internals hadn’t actually sped things up. Her first surgery was basically a local with very little sedation; she was not completely under at any time. Soon after, however, she was more easily confused, more easily frustrated, having trouble concentrating. Was it depression? Had the recurance of cancer and the daunting task of caring for Dad led to depression? She had been given anti-depressants once in the past, but refused to take them because she was concerned about what they would do to her head. Was she starting to suspect something about herself?
Then, another surgery. Again, just a local, barely sedated, but disaster happened… She nearly died. Another surgery to save her life. Lots of anesthesia, big cuts, lots of air to the internals, lots of anesthesia – whole body trauma. There was no disputing there was a terrible and drastic change in her mental state. She was slipping fast!
Soon after, Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
I believe many people who get Alzheimer’s know there is something wrong, at some level. One woman said she felt as if there were tiny spiders crawling around in her head, tickling her brain. One man said he felt like his thoughts were coming at him through a painted screen – fragemented with pieces missing that got hung up on the paint-filled squares. Mom experienced some signs that her mind was trying to communicate distress with vertigo-like symptoms. She’d say she felt as if she were being pulled forward while walking. She couldn’t pinpoint any particular part that felt pulled and she didn’t feel as if she were being pushed, but she definately felt as if something was pulling her forward. I could only liken it to getting new glasses – that first few seconds of wearing them the ground looks like a step; the brain tries to compensate at the same time it tries to reckon with the fact that the floor in front of us is flat which results in a momentary vertigo-like feeling. Mom said it was kind of like that.
Watching them when they are confused, it’s as if they are experiencing a ‘tip of the tongue’ moment, on a loop. They get confused about what they were going to say or do – it’s right there on the tip of their tongue, right there on the edge of their brain… what was it? They are in that state perpetually. Sometimes the thought is completed, comes to fruition, results in words, conversation, an errand completed. Sometimes the thought eludes them, they grasp at it, they try to corral it in, they try to catch a glimpse – they get caught in a loop. Sometimes, the loop spits out clues – they speak random words, make random motions, do random things. Caught in the loop, they are powerless to escape.
We are fortunate that their random thoughts do not lead them to do even stranger things – things dangerous to themselves or others. We have been very lucky that neither of them have become ‘wander’ risks!
That doesn’t stop me from feeling the need to be hypervigilant whenever we go out into the big world. Maybe I’m deluding myself by being so cautious that wandering just isn’t possible? Well, at least they don’t wander off from the faciity.
Tags: Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's care, caregiver, caring for elderly parents, elder care, senior care
